It's my birthday and I'll eat book-themed cakes if I want to

To celebrate the fact that Julia Blogs Books has lasted one whole year, and to help you work out which cake you should make me to celebrate, I've compiled a collection of flippin' awesome book-themed cakes. I've also provided suggestions as to the category the cakes fall into in case that helps you decide which one to choose. You're welcome.

1.  The cute-as-a-button cakes

I love these because they combine some of my favourite things into one edible delight - cupcakes shaped like teacups with a book on top. Just to clarify, I don't actually drink tea with cream and miniature books on top - I'm lactose intolerant. Also, actual miniature books would probably break my teeth. So if you select these, I would like the edible variety on top thanks. With lactose-free cream.

2. The I-could-totally-imagine-sitting-down-to-a-fancy-cup-of-tea-with-this-book-themed-cake cake

So classy, so chic. As the name suggests, this cake should also be served with tea in a fancy china teacup. As well as lace doilies on the table to complete the picture. Although I will definitely get crumbs (and possibly splashes of fancy tea) over the doilies so I do apologise for the mess in advance. I'm sure you'll understand.

3. The book-themed cakes for indecisive people

Remember how I've said that some books are so good that I just want to eat them? Well, it looks like this is the perfect alternative, especially for an indecisive person like me. 

4. The prankster cake

If this cake was given to me I would walk right up to it and to try pick up the book I was most interested in - probably Jane Eyre because I still haven't read it. I know, I can't believe I just admitted I haven't read Jane Eyre yet either, but it's true. Please stop judging me. Anyway, after attempting to pick up the faux book, I would end up with cake all over my hands and you would be angry with me because I'd have just ruined all of your hard work and there'd be a big chunk of cake missing and I probably won't have washed my hands so no one else would want to eat it. So perhaps this isn't the book-themed cake you should organise for me. Though I'd still be grateful if you did.

5. The nostalgic cake

This cake just makes me so happy.

6. The how-do-people-even-come-up-with-these-ideas cake

This is pretty freakin cool. Especially if the desk and lamps are edible too - shotgun those.

7. The ok-I-get-it-you-can-make-a-really-fancy-cake cake

The creme de la creme of book-themed cakes - it's ridiculously impressive, right? I'd be so chuffed if you thought I was worthy of receiving this cake that I'd feel eternally indebted to you. But that's not a feeling I'm entirely comfortable with, so perhaps we could avoid it altogether by you just choosing a less fancy cake to begin with you show off.

8. The failed attempt

Ok but I didn't mean for you to get me a cake so unimpressive that it's the laughing stock of all book-themed cakes. That's not very nice. But I give you points for trying. Only just. 

9. The I'm-pretty-sure-this-isn't-book-themed-but-maybe-it-is-so-I'll-give-it-the-benefit-of-the-doubt cake

This image came up when I was searching for book-themed cakes. I really want to work out what relevance it has to book-themed cakes because there has to have been one for it to show up in the search. Especially because no other cooked turkey pictures came up. All I've got at the moment is that perhaps it's based on a book about a turkey. A turkey who tries to escape his impending death by rounding up all the other farm animals and sabotaging their slaughter but isn't successful and ends up on his ranch's family dinner table that night - kind of like Babe but with a bad ending. What a depressing book; what sicko would want to immortalise that through cake? Nevertheless if that is the story it is commemorating, I feel conflicted about whether or not I would eat it since I am vegetarian, but if it was actually cake inside then I think I would. On the other hand, if it would just be a ploy to trick me into eating meat then I would be very unhappy and disappointed with you, you sick sick person.

5 ways I know I'm reading a bloody* good book

Working out the difference between an 'I-don't-regret-the-time-I-spent-reading-that' type of book and an 'oh-my-gosh-wow-I'm-going-to-treasure-that-forever' type can be difficult. Or, more accurately, books that fall closer to the latter's end of the spectrum - and which therefore could be classified as bloody good - can be tricky to confidently ascertain. For, how can you be really sure that a book deserves such an esteemed reputation? 

After much research and consideration, I have compiled a foolproof checklist to use when determining whether a book truly belongs on the OMGWIGTTTF scale. I hope it'll be of as much assistance to you as it'll be for me. Here we go.

5. I'll want to hold it lots.
Just like some children take a beloved toy with them everywhere they go, I'll do the same with a bloody good book. It's partly because I'm trying to absorb the book's bloody goodness as much as possible. And partly because I want to show it off. It's more than that too, I just can't articulate it all in this small space. All I know is that if I can't be reading it, holding it is enough to keep me happy.

4. I'll become a little bit obsessed about it.
If you see me using a computer or spending lots of time on my iPhone while I'm reading a bloody good book, then you can be pretty certain I'm finding out whatever I can about it. I'll want to know when the book came out, what people thought of it, whether any films have been made about it, and what different cover designs exist for it. That's only the beginning. Sadly I don't have a particularly good ability to remember much of the facts I do learn, but I really enjoy them at the time.

3. I'll read during any spare minute I've got.
That's right. I'll read while I'm walking to walk. I'll read instead of watching a TV show I really enjoy. I'll even read in the shower (that's not true, but if it were possible I would). The only way to tear myself away from the bloody good book is during non-negotiable parts of my day, such as work or eating dinner. Otherwise my eyes are glued to the book.

2. I'll read past my bedtime.
Now I know what you're thinking: all avid readers will read past their bedtimes. Right? Wrong! There's nothing more I like than getting a good night's sleep; and often a book won't even keep me from achieving this. But if it's a bloody good book, I will most definitely read past my bed time. I'll even look forward to doing so, convincing myself that the grumps which will manifest themselves in me come morning-time will be highly worth it. Now that's a bloody good book.

1. I'll eat the book.
I won't. But if I could I probably would. That's how highly I admire a bloody good book. Isn't that what happens when people really really like something - they just want to devour it? Like that saying, 'it looks good enough to eat'? Well, with bloody good books, I feel like they're good enough to eat. And I would if I ate books. Which I don't. 

* I was hesitant to use the word 'bloody' initially - it can sound quite vulgar. However, after much thought and deliberation (you could even say too much thought and deliberation), and when used in the passionate, Australian sense that I wanted to use it in, it was actually the only word that properly captured the essence of what I'm describing. 

Collecting books

One thing that makes me happy is being notified that a book I have reserved is ready for collection at the library. The days, weeks and sometimes even months I've spent waiting for it have come to an end, and I can finally begin the highly anticipated read.

However, sometimes the highly anticipated moment of collecting the book is much more disappointing than it is fulfilling. This generally happens when I've had a particular edition of the book I’d like to read in mind, and then the edition I’m given is completely different to any one I've seen before. It’s like a blind date gone horribly wrong – you have an idea of what the person will look like based on a picture you've been given of them (athletic with neat and tidy hair), and then it turns out they've put on 20kgs and are now sporting a bright green Mohawk. Of coarse there’s nothing wrong with letting go of yourself and changing up your hairstyle now and again. But as someone who struggles with the unexpected, scenarios like this one can be rather unsettling and disappointing for me to say the least.

   

All of this can make me seem incredibly shallow (and partially unstable) when it comes to collecting books, but unfortunately that's simply what happens sometimes*. There's just certain covers I get attached to which make me believe that that and only that particular version will make my reading experience the most enjoyable one I can possibly have with the book. I can't explain the logic behind this reasoning, but book cover designers and advertisers would definitely be pleased with the effects of their campaigns on me.

Nevertheless, once I've recomposed myself, I will eventually rise to the challenge of reading an edition of a book I have been unprepared for. While it can be a bit awkward to begin with, I remind myself that despite the initial setbacks, everything will actually be ok because the story is still the same on the inside as the one I was originally interested in.

And in the end, that’s all that really matters.


*I would like to emphasise the sometimes, because this doesn't happen every time. Honestly. 

Choosing books

One of my favourite pastimes is strolling into a library, with no particular preference for what I'll pick to read next, and browsing the shelves until 'the one' catches my eye. When it does, I'll just know that it'll be a fantastic read, and the mission will be a fait accompli. It's one of the greatest feelings of satisfaction that I can come by; particularly for someone as indecisive as me. It'll be as if all of the stars have aligned perfectly in unison. I'll then skip merrily to the borrowing counter with my new treasure in tow, and an explosion of confetti will ensue in celebration.

Other times, a number of books will jump out at me simultaneously, all claiming to be 'the one'. Suddenly, I'll find myself inundated by a plethora of books all grasping for my attention and pleading for me to read them with their puppy-dog eyes. As you can imagine this can be rather overwhelming, and it's tempting to simply gather them all up in my arms and borrow the lot so no-one gets hurt. But deep down I'll know that none of them are quite right. So, instead of pretending that something might work for the sake of protecting everyone's feelings, I'll politely reject them and explain that they're not for me just yet.

I'll then continue my search for the actual 'one', wary not to make eye contact with the now bitter and intense glares emanating from the aforementioned rejected books.

As you can imagine, this latter scenario can be quite an arduous and emotionally-draining process, and you may very well be wondering why on earth I put myself through all of this each time I visit the library. But rest assured this process is not always so difficult, and is generally one which is enjoyable and even therapeutic for me. I simply like to ensure that the book I chose to invest my time into is exactly right before committing to it entirely.

But sometimes, just sometimes, a book will simply be hanging out on a shelf, all casual and aloof, not bothered whether or not I'll select to read it or not. And I'll think 'Hey, you look pretty cool and I'd like to read you.' So I'll pick it up, assessing the cover and reading the blurb, while it remains all casual and aloof in my hands. And if it passes my initial tests of judgement I'll select it as my next read. I'll then skip merrily to the borrowing counter with my new treasure in tow, and an explosion of confetti will ensue in celebration. Hurrah!

And that will be the end of that adventure. Until the next time.